Calling it Quits

This is who I really am. But still I have to protect my identity just in case any haters identify me on the street.

I can’t take it anymore. Because of the actions of a commenter and frequent reader, going by the name of “Real Asian” I’ve decided to come clean because of the guilt I’ve been feeling. Hello readers. My name is Jared Willoughby and I come from Herndon, Virginia, USA. I’m actually not Korean, but I originally said that I was on this blog because I feel a strong connection with Korea. I really love Korean food and the culture, and I’ve been learning a lot about the culture since moving here one year ago. So this is who I really am.

If you want to know why I was saying I was a half-Korean, and talking about Korea all the time, it’s because I sometimes feel like I have such a strong connection to this mysterious country that I am even more Korean than most Korean people. I know this is true, because I also lived in Japan and Guam, as my father was in the Army when I was a kid. I felt like I already had a connection with Koreans before I moved here because I grew up around Japanese. Korea is so much like Japan, that I have a huge head start on integrating myself into Korean society due to my experiences in Japan. I definitely know that I am more Korean than the Korean Americans, as they have no connection to their homeland. Sometimes I feel hurt when they exclude me from their activities. They are such racists. I was taught to love everyone and treat them equally, and I have so many Korean friends in Korea, so why can’t Korean-Americans accept me as one of them. They could actually learn a thing or two from me.

See, I have Korean guy friends! This awesome AJASHI is teaching me about the beautiful kimbab culture!

I’ve been studying Korean a lot and I think that Korea is a beautiful country with a very sad history. The culture is beautiful, and the people are so friendly to me all the time. Koreans have this feeling called jeong and han that ties them together as one people. I don’t think most foreigners could possibly comprehend these feelings like I do.

I also think that Korean women are much better wives and mates than their American counterparts, so that’s why I married one. I recommend Korean women to anyone looking for a real lovely mate. Most Korean women love to date foreign guys to escape the chauvinistic Korean men, so it’s actually pretty easy to get a date here.

I also have some news! My wife is pregnant! We are going to have a child in 6 months. I will teach him to equally identify with both of his cultures. He’s going to identify equally with both of them and I will make sure that he knows that he has the best of both worlds when he is growing up. Sometimes I wonder what Korean features he will inherit from his mother, and what normal ones he will inherit from me. Either way, I know he will be really handsome because all mixed kids end up looking super cute. I can’t wait!

But, since I’ve been outed by “Real Asian” and others, I feel like it’s time to put an end to this charade and stop pretending to be someone I am not. I am sorry if I hurt anyone by claiming to be a Korean when I am not. This will be my final post, and I am thankful to all the readers, and I am sorry to all the people who have defended me who I have deceived.

메갸ㅣ래ㅐㅣ’ㄴ! 햇촘!
I have not learned to type in Korean yet, and every instance of Korean that I have used in this blog was copied off of other people’s blogs. So I tried to write a message in Korean above, but since I don’t actually read Korean, I don’t know if it turned out right. I think it is a good farewell message.

Edit: To those who still don’t get it, this was an April Fools’ Day prank.

27 Responses to “Calling it Quits”

  1. Uhhh… are you forgetting that lots of us readers know you in real life? That we know you’re half Korean (and that maybe you prove that not all half Korean kids are really cute ㅋㅋㅋ)? 그리고 주희 임심되었어요? 정말이에요?

  2. 雪松樹枝 Says:

    不妊娠

  3. that photo of you with the ajosshi makes me think you should be contributing something to the comments on this page. http://askakorean.blogspot.com/2011/03/ask-korean-wiki-calling-all-gay-koreans.html

    • Jared Willoughby Says:

      But I’m neither gay, nor Korean. By the way, Roboseyo… your blog is total ass! How can you possibly even speak about Korean culture when you don’t know them like I do? I grew up in Asia, so I’m so in tune with the Hans and the Jungs. Stop pretending, man. You’ll always be an outsider whitey unless you can adapt like me!

      • Anybody who goes on and on about how “in tune” they are with such-and-such culture is obviously overcompensating for something. You think you know them just because you grew up here? I grew up in Vancouver and the majority of people there are Asian, too, so can I lay claim to “being in tune” with Asian culture, too? Can I join your special little club, pleeease? You’re as racist as the people you condemn.

        The only person pretending is you in your belief that you know better than everybody else. Who the fuck are you to claim that you know more than I do about anything? Adapt all you want, you’ll still be an outsider no matter how much han or jung you think you have. The ability to empathize doesn’t mean shit to a Korean and you, by your own admission, are no Korean. Another kimchi commando trying to be something you’re not. I feel pity for you.

        I love this country, too, but I’m not drinking the kool-aid they’re serving and if you truly believe the crap you wrote, then you are a fool. Han and jung, be damned. Those who feel sorry for themselves and try to pass it on to others as an excuse for their behaviour are losers. The next asshole who makes an excuse for their rude, outlandish behaviour by saying “but I’m Korean and that’s the way we do it here!” is going to get a punch in the mouth. Using your race, or up-bringing as an excuse for being an asshole is pathetic.

  4. You know, Jared, you can bite my cheese-smelling butt. Don’t you try to invalidate my experience here. I have lots of Korean friends and I like sweet potato pizza! I NEVER go to Itaewon, and I can tell the taxi driver where to go ALL IN KOREAN.

    ALL my blanket generalizations about Koreans, ALL my oversimplifications of Korean history, and ALL my explanations of Korean phenomena through Confucianism, and ALL my references to Korea as if the entire nation and all its people were one big, monolithic, undifferentiated mass, are rigorously researched by asking my Korean wife about them, and totally accurate.

    Can YOU say that?

    • Jared Willoughby Says:

      Yes I can say that. In fact I can say that I am Kim Gu reincarnated because I can feel the Korean spirit within me.

      You are generalizing everything by asking just your wife. There are so many other people in this awesome country to talk to. I’ve done a much better job of connecting with them. My wife doesn’t even speak English at all, so I can’t ask her anything. I have to ask English speaking Koreans about Korea, but at least I am asking more people than you!

      When you start to talk with Koreans from all walks of life that meet at our weekly international cafe get together, you realize the depth and breath of the opinions of these amazing people. For example, some of them like Park Jisung, but others like Cha Duri. Some of them like Cass, and otehrs like Hite! Some of them believe that Dokdo is Korea’s and others believe that Dokdo is not Japan’s. They also have told me they are impressed with my Korean skills and masterful chopstick using skills.

      They all get a real kick out of when I call my wife Jagiya. There’s so much laughter. See? I’m totally connected with them. YOU can’t say you are.. you’re not even close! You probably think that Big Bang is how the universe started. You probably think 2PM is when it’s time to get back from your lunch break. You even said on your blog that you don’t know the difference between Secret, Sistar, and Dal Shabet. DUH.

  5. Real Asian Says:

    I knew it you dumb fuck! You are an ashhole from the begining! Now that we all know your real, fake white shit, you can kiss my ass!

    I knew it from the begin when you were Seoul Searcher.. you used that same alias on several different blogs. Each one you said you were a black female, or a jewish male from new york. Now we know the true you is Jared Willyoufuckme from Vaginia, USA.

    You deserve to be deported and I am going to report you to immagration for FREUD!!!!! Now that I know your real name, you are history. You wish you never started shit with REAL ASIAN!

    • The Real Real Asian Says:

      Wow! Where’s Vaginia??? I think this person should be reported for FREUD, too!!!!!

      • The even realer Asian Says:

        Why are you pretend the real asian, real asian? You are fucking. And how can pretend you’re real the asian when write in perpect English? I’m google translate dictionary and mistake frequently so you’re know my legitimataion of asian!

        Why aren’t you go home where came from (probably traitor place Los Angeles or New York where homeland betray asian are live, with no filial piety), order fucking hot dog from manhattan (not asia) hot dog shop and fuck shut up!

        I bet you’re ancestors are mixed!

        Yujin maybe not real asian, but how you’re say real asian when write perfect English? Fuck away!

        • Real Asian Says:

          You guys need to stop impersonating me. We got a self hating “real real Asian” here and fucking loser FOB “even realer Asian”. You fobby bitches ruin everything for us by acting all effeminate. All you FOBs are fucks, and fraudulent impersonators of the REAL ASIAN… why do you post on this worthless self hating white wannabe asian wannabe race-mongrel’s sorry excuse for blogger?

          Maybe I did fall for the April Fool joke, but Seoul Searcher, AKA Eugene Hwang, is still a sellout or son of sellout parents.

          • Even realer asian Says:

            If your was real asian you’re would writing like a me! Now on, I’ll rewrite your stupid comment, (not realy) real asian, the way REALLY real asian would, for show you.

            Your perfect English is fucking! Not real asian.

            Your guys are need sotp my follow! Oh my! It’s a self-hate “real real asian” and also “even realer asian” are dumbass OTL! Your’re lady dog is contribute our oppression with female talk, and Freud of the me!

            Why are write comment to a this unutilitarian website when mix race ineptitute blogger here?

            Maybe I’m fall for April pool joke, but my’s smart, really! And no shame to my farder or marder, so my dislike for a Eugene Hwang are the legitimacy!

          • Even realer asian Says:

            OH MY GAT! I’m jsut search FOB on the dictionary an it’s mean immigrant! Real Asian you are charlatan! I’m not FOB becasue I’M NEVER LEAVE ASIA LIKE YOU.

            My isn’t FOB because i’m LIVE the Asia where I’m speak ASIAN LANGUAGE every day for daily active. What about you? You’re eat hot dog and pizza and steak for quotidian. Speak ENGLISH at work. I’m daily eat RICE, traitor, speak the Korean speak.

            You’re no qualification for say who are the asian and who are not. Maybe jealous because the Eugene Hwang are actually LIVE in Asia.

            My foreigner friend said I should say at you: Eat a bag of dicks.

          • Real Asian, I’m struggling to see what your angle is. You’ve called me out for being half-Korean, so I at least understand that part. But then you’ve condemned self hating Asians (I guess you mean Asian-Americans who don’t “keep it real” and {gasp} have friends of other races) and you’ve also condemned FOBs (which means “Fresh off the boat” people. In case you haven’t figured it out yet, Asians in Asia aren’t FOBS, but I guess you’re just defining FOBs as non-Americanized Asians).

            So that means all Asians in Asia aren’t REAL ASIANS, most Asian-Americans aren’t REAL ASIANS.. so who’s left? You’re in a race by yourself? You’re the only REAL ASIAN? Well if that’s the case, enjoy being a part of your solitary master race.

          • Real Asian Says:

            To all the empersonators… fuck off, you’re not me. To loser Eugene is tiny, all those FOB guys in Asia ruin it for us in the US, by acting all gay all the time and wearing gay clothes, and acting all mystified and subservient to whites and white culture to the point that they want to BE white. But not all FOBs are this way, because FOBs generally stick with their own kind, racism from whites doesn’t affect them so much, because they don’t meet whites often, so they don’t actually know that they are parts of the problem. YOU on the otherside, Yujinissmalldicked, are a race mongol, and if we allow people like you to be Korean then same thing will happen to us as happened to Native Americans. Today there are no Native Americans left and those who claim to be Natives are actually more than 50% white. Since there’s no way any sane Korean woman will marry a white guy with a Korean name like you becauze that would confuse her kids.. So, youll marry white and youl dilute our race. You can’t claim to be a Korean when your offspring will be only 1/5th Korean. Pure blooded Koreans only are Korean, and we must keep it that way for preserve of our future.

          • Even realer asian Says:

            We not you.

            Not empersonate either.

            We MORE asian fucking than you! So your homophobe dishonorable should be shut up. You’re call us gay and effeminate so frequency I’m wonder maybe you’re hide to something… but that’s OK. Now Korea have places for person like the you also. If you’re like eat the “kimbap” like the jared in picture with ajosshi.

            If you’re so pure asian why you’re live outside asia? Still traitor to the Asia. Nothing change. Hate on we if you’re like, but it’s not us shame to asian race.

            Also don’t for get: you still stupid for believe Eugene april fool joke. And live in America that have april fool culture still fall for trick: it’s MORE shame at you ancestor!

            Eat another hot dog. I’m full from eat rice.

        • The Real Real Asian Says:

          I’m still the Real Real Asian!

  6. Wow!, really?

    *Shocked*

  7. Why do K-bloggers always come up with the lamest April Fools jokes?

  8. Chris K Says:

    lmfao… oh this series of posts is way too funny… kimchi commando, deported for Freud (fraud), ahahha love it!
    I think its just friends trashing each other, but if it’s real… WAY WAY funnier. Well done ,Gentlemen and Lady. Well done, I say!

  9. Hahahaaaaa…. I laughed so hard! Good one😀

  10. haha I should’ve read this one on Apri Fools’ Day..lol By the way, who is that guy in the pictures then?

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