Dear SS. Dating problems.
I normally don’t pay much attention to people asking me advice about dating, but lately I’ve been getting a lot of these kinds of e-mails of people asking me for dating advice. Here are some examples.
Dear Seoul Searcher,
What is the best way to get Korean girls to like you? Since you married one, I think you must know some tips to get Korean girls. I like Korean girls more than other types of Asian girls and I like Asian girls more than boring white girls. But how can I get Korean girls?
Dear Seoul Searcher
My Korean girlfriend is always making unreasonable demands. She wants me to stop calling any of my female friends and she wants access to my e-mail account. Before, when we started to date, it seemed like this kind of thing didn’t bother her, but lately she has been trying to get me to never meet any girls other than her. Why can’t she understand that it’s okay for Brits to meet other girls as friends? In Korea is that kind of thing not allowed?
Dear Seoul Searcher,
I like Korean guys. They are so handsome, loyal, kind, and they work hard to please their woman is much better than White guys. I want Korean man but don’t know how to speak Korean. Also is cultural difference can I make them to see through it? Do you know how to make a Korean guy to like girls?
Dear Seoul Searcher,
Who is better for you, the Korean lady or the Japanese lady or the American lady? I think it is easy to get the Korean lady for the foreigns. Do you think so? You lived America and Japan and Korea so who is better? I dont like the Japanese lady very much because not very pretty but the Korean lady is too much sugary. I want the American lady because all is so beautiful of blue eyes and yellow hair.
To all…. STOP!The first thing I want to tell you is this. There’s no secret to getting Korean guys or girls. Focus more on how to attract women or men (regardless of their race) than on how to attract specifically Korean people. No amount of language ability, cultural sensitivity, or anything of the sort will specifically attract people. In fact, if you are always displaying your knowledge about someone’s culture (or what you perceive their culture to be) then you might even drive them away. People want to be treated as people, not specifically as objects of your fetish or fantasy of Korean men or women.
Next, if you already have a Korean man or woman, stop thinking that problems in your relationship are due to your significant other being Korean. Usually that’s not the case. I mean, come on, the person in question got with you in the first place, so they should be willing to overlook any kind of cultural difference (which can’t possibly be that big anyway as Korea is a modern society.) In reply to Richard’s problem, all I can say is that you have two honest options and one dishonest one. The two honest ones are to either stay firm and tell her that it’s something she needs to accept (and you need to be prepared for the potential consequences… if she breaks up with you for example), OR you could do as she wishes. The dishonest one would be to lie to her and make it appear that you are doing as she wishes, while secretly contacting and meeting all your female friends (you also need to be prepared for the potential consequences of her finding out that you lied). While your girl may say to you that in Korea this is how it is done, it’s really up to you to decide how you want to handle it. I know for a fact that this isn’t how it’s done in Korea… it’s just how some girls do it.
Anyway, I’m getting tired of these kinds of questions. I appreciate that I am being asked for help, but I think that if I were to give advice to any of these people on how to deal with Koreans, then it would only lend credence to the idea that all Koreans are alike and think the same way. Each person is an individual.
Now I respect that people who are born into a certain culture might run into trouble when dealing with those from other cultures, and I also respect that a certain similarity can be expected between individuals belonging to the same culture, but come on. There’s no reason why someone who you don’t know, who’s never met you (or the other person you’re talking about) should be giving you dating advice.
And for those who ask what kind of girl I like best, I’ll tell you. I like my wife. If you’re after a certain type that I liked when I was still in the dating pool it was women who have opinions about things, who you can enjoy spending time with even though you aren’t necessarily doing anything. I also like it if they can listen to my opinions and not necessarily agree, but at least understand my viewpoint. There are probably women of many different races who fit that criteria, and when I chose my wife, I don’t know how much her being Korean had anything to do with my decision. I’d be lying if I said it didn’t affect my decision at all, but I can definitely say it was not the most important factor.